You’ll notice Big Willy’s back on the sharp-end, as his ankle continues to mend.

Beyond Wind & Rattlesnakes or any route FA’d by Paul Piana (we doff our hats to Paul who must have been the only guy in Lander with a rope longer than 30 meters or eye for pitches longer than 50 feet), picking favorite lines is an exercise in semantics… For the brain cannot reliably distinguish one bolted boulder problem from the next.

Before beginning, a couple necessary caveats:

• We just spent the past week in Ten Sleep. It set a high bar as far as concentration of quality pitches and attitude are concerned.
• We may not be strong enough to appreciate the hardest/best routes/areas Wild Iris has to offer (Rodeo Wave, the Erratic). This is our problem.

O.K. now the beefs:

• The quality scale in Lander Rock Climbs (2015), is woefully inconsistent. It deservingly gives Wind & Rattlesnakes 3/3 stars, then turns around and claims Little Buckaroo is cut from the same cloth. Wind is inarguably MEGA-classic, while L.B. is a 20-foot piece of shit that shouldn’t have been bolted.
• the high quantity of low quality lines, to me, indicates two things: Wild Iris has been over developed and those bolting laughable lines are only doing so to rack up FA-credits.
• Shortness of routes. If you climb .13 or .14, please explain what makes projecting one of the 30-footers at Rodeo Wave so spectacular. Why not chase larger, more aesthetic lines? What are we overlooking here?

The brilliance that is Ten Sleep Canyon deserves more than a quick mention on our Adorations page. CRAGCATION is so smitten with Ten Sleep and everything it embodies, that we’ve prepared an entire entry of exaltation. Elements of Ten Sleep’s magnificence include:

• The sheer insouciance the place exudes. We’ve never seen anything like it. The new guidebook, Holy Ten Sleep features an image of Jesus Christ, with a Bosch drill bit hovering between his cupped hands, and a tagline demanding readers , “BOLT THE UNIVERSE!”
• There’s a CRAG called Ex-Girlfriend Enclave of Hate. What the hell does that even mean? Is this where a man goes to channel vitriolic feelings toward his former love, or where the woman goes to do the same? Better yet… Is this a place both sexes enjoy equally, and occasionally use to scoop up CRAGSTERS of the opposite sex on the rebound, only to begin the cycle anew?
• In case Ex-Girlfriend Enclave of Hate didn’t do it for you, there are also CRAGS like: Hot Lixx Family Fun Center, Drugs & Sex, Antarctica, Pooh Corner, World Domination, and Superratic Pillar.
• Some route descriptions aren’t even route descriptions. They’re just loaded accusations like , “If you don’t do this route, you hate America. And your own Mother”.
• I believe there are 2 trad lines here. The other 446 routes are studded with gleaming 3/8” expansion bolts. It’s only a matter of time until the sport climbing community either, a.) dynamites the trad lines entirely, or b.) fills each cam placement with caulk, then bolts the rig. Both measures are equivalent to the trad climbing community’s penchant for bolt-chopping. Dynamite has a nice Monkey Wrench Gang flare, though.
• Notable route names include: Aunt Jemiamah’s Bisquick Thunderdome (.12d), Beer Bong (.10b), Cocaine Rodeo (.12a), Burl Ives is Dead (.12a), Wu-Tang’s Wild Shinto Ride (.12a), Shut the Fuck Up (.13a), Galactic Emperor (.14a), Tangerine Fat Explosion (.13a), Insane Hound Posse (.10c), and Schmick Schmack Booty Whack (.10d).
• The guidebook is $100.00. It features gold-leafed pages, a red leather binding, comes with 3-D glasses, and pages occasionally feature the most lurid Old Testament verses Aaron Huey could surface… Just in case you get bored with the Hunter Thompson-esque rating scale, imagery, or prose itself. Initially we were insulted by the price tag, but now, we think it’s nearly worth it. Mom - If you’re reading this and haven’t already decided to disown me as your son, please consider purchasing Holy Ten Sleep for us this Christmas.
• The rating scale for routes. Huey eschews stars, favoring patriotic symbols (meaning 5 stars), silhouettes of strippers (4 stars), and cats (3 stars) instead.
• Ten Sleep, like CRAGCATION and its colleagues, doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Thanks for allowing us the opportunity to indoctrinate you! If you like what you’ve read, go ahead and high-tail it to WYO.